Forgiveness

Over the years I have done a lot of work on forgiveness; forgiving myself, forgiving others, learning how to forgive, praying for forgiveness, understanding the difference between forgiveness, acceptance and judgement.

Forgiveness is a concept that many folks I have worked with have struggled with, as I have. It is difficult to let go of a transgression by another by forgiving them. To me, the ultimate concept of forgiveness is letting go of someone else's action (or our own) by not carrying it around anymore. Forgiveness does not mean accepting the actions of another (or ourselves). Acceptance is another blog for another day.

People resist forgiveness like New Yorkers resist Swine Flu on the subway. I will often hear, "How can I forgive this?" -or- "If i forgive them, it will seem like what they did was okay." Let's be clear - it is NOT okay.

First of all, forgiveness is not usually about walking up to the other person and saying; "you hit me, I forgive you" or "its okay" and then expect that they have carte blanche to hit you again. No, forgiveness means that you let go of carrying around the hurt, the pain, the yoke of responsibility for the action of another (or for our own action against ourselves). It is freeing and lets you move on, unencumbered, lighter and in the present moment, not stuck in the torture of a past happening. Remove the lead vest, let go and fly.

Climb out!

Greetings. We all want to be the best we can be. We crave life changing, enlightening experiences. Occasionally (or not so occasionally), life gets in the way. I'm hoping this blog will help document some of the little things that we can all do to make those changes and live life to the fullest. So much joy and health is available to us.

This is not a blaming rant. Don't blame yourself if you feel stuck and unable to move from where you are right now. However, I do advocate that we take responsibility for ourselves, and try to refrain from blaming others. It doesn't mean that they are not to blame, but blaming just gets us stuck. On the other hand, we all get stuck every now and again. I usually ask myself, what can I do to get that wheel out of the mud, rather than saying, who didn't pave over that huge mudhole in this road, or look who dug that hole hoping that i would get stuck in it. Surprise them. Climb out. Having trouble climbing out? Ask for help.

I'm reading the John Elder Robison book, "Look Me In The Eye" - fantastic read. As a teen, he learns how to use a post digger, and starts digging holes in his yard. After digging a few deep ones, he "tests" the holes using his younger brother. His younger brother is a willing participant. The first hole isn't too deep and his brother climbs out. John sticks him in a bigger hole and brother gets stuck. John Elder has to help him get out. His brother is freed. Brother is just young enough to be happy he is out, and avoid the holes next time.