Monday, December 5, 2011

Making friends with yourself - let go!

Recently, and, actually, quite often, my clients come wanting to improve relationships with others. Good relationships often elude us. With many of us, it is often apparent that the relationship most in need of mending was relationship with self. How do we make friends with ourselves?

Are there people in your life who I call untouchables, meaning people with whom you forgive all and almost always employ understanding?  The upside to this type of behavior is that you already know how to forgive, to let go. Try pretending that you are one of those people. After a while, if something is for your benefit, the result could very well be lasting.   The downside of this behavior is that we sometimes stuff down feelings rather than feeling them, coming to terms with them and then letting go.  You will know which you are doing by your feelings. If you feel good, you have let go.  If you do not feel good, you are probably stuffing.

Why is letting go a good idea?  Sometimes we are conditioned to want retribution, or understanding, love, compassion or an apology. You might  never receive these from some others. They just might not be capable, or, they don't understand that they have wronged you.  More good news - you are capable of understanding, of forgiving and loving yourself. You know how you feel. Practice compassion.  Begin with yourself.

Try saying this short phrase: "even though I (whatever is upsetting you about yourself), I completely forgive and unconditionally love myself at this moment in time".   If you want to, you can put your hands over your heart as you say it, or even hug yourself.

You don't need to sustain the feeling - just say it. At first it may be foreign or feel like a lie, but keep it up every day for 21 days. Many studies say that it takes about three weeks to break a habit and start a new habit.  Maybe it will take you a bit longer, but hang in there.    Won't it be worth it?  Just in case you are not sure, the answer is yes!

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