My colleague Mark calls this borrowing grief, or stirring the pot myself. Isn't that great? Well, not really, right? How often do other people in your life stir the pot for you? Let's not try to add to it ourselves. It may be an old habit. Time to break it, now.
I attempt to calm myself, to imagine exactly the outcome that will be most beneficial to me. Picture it now. Then back up your mind and remember how you got there - what steps you needed to take to get to that positive outcome. Wonderful! Now take the steps.