Sunday, May 24, 2009


Over the years I have done a lot of work on forgiveness; forgiving myself, forgiving others, learning how to forgive, praying for forgiveness, understanding the difference between forgiveness, acceptance and judgement.

Forgiveness is a concept that many folks I have worked with have struggled with, as I have. It is difficult to let go of a transgression by another by forgiving them. To me, the ultimate concept of forgiveness is letting go of someone else's action (or our own) by not carrying it around anymore. Forgiveness does not mean accepting the actions of another (or ourselves). Acceptance is another blog for another day.

People resist forgiveness like New Yorkers resist Swine Flu on the subway. I will often hear, "How can I forgive this?" -or- "If i forgive them, it will seem like what they did was okay." Let's be clear - it is NOT okay.

First of all, forgiveness is not usually about walking up to the other person and saying; "you hit me, I forgive you" or "its okay" and then expect that they have carte blanche to hit you again. No, forgiveness means that you let go of carrying around the hurt, the pain, the yoke of responsibility for the action of another (or for our own action against ourselves). It is freeing and lets you move on, unencumbered, lighter and in the present moment, not stuck in the torture of a past happening. Remove the lead vest, let go and fly.

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